1. The joy I feel when someone tells me I inspired them in some small way.
2. Always finding a reason to smile, no matter what the circumstances.
3. Recognizing my own self worth and never ever forgetting just how amazing I truly am.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Full Circle
Yesterday I had the blessing of taking a glorious walk in the woods. Not just any woods, but woods that are only a mere 5 minute drive from my apartment. I was fortunate enough to share this journey with a very close friend of mine, Phil.
We have taken many walks/hikes in the past but yesterday felt different. Maybe it was because neither of us had tried this trail, maybe it was because it was Easter weekend, maybe it felt different for many other reasons that neither of us can explain.
What I do know is in spite of the day being somewhat cloudy and overcast I saw the most beautiful things on this hike. We walked along the side of a roaring creek where water rushed over rocks and roared so loudly it was almost deafening. I saw new ferns poking their heads out of the ground anticipating the birth of spring. Birds chirped happily and the green of the pines was spectacular.
We walked and walked and walked some more. It just felt right even though at times the mud was slippery, the slope quite inclined, and the wind blowing. When we got to the top of the ridge, we pressed further. We walked along a railroad grade...off in the distance was the local ski hill, Spirit Mountain. As we looked back over our shoulders we commented how far we had come.
Being of adventurous minds we decided to keep going toward the ski hill...once there, parts of the hill had grass, but many moguls and places still had snow. As we stood in the middle of the hill, I said, "I bet we could see more if we climbed that mogul." So climbed we did. Once to the top of that mogul, we could see the very top of the hill with the chairlifts. We smiled at each other knowing exactly what the other was thinking. We climbed onward and upward.
At the top of the hill I could see all of Duluth and even farther. It was breathtaking.
On this Easter Sunday it makes me think about how all I am doing and seeing is possible through God's love for me. How if He had not sacrificed his Son for me, I would not be able to see all the beautiful things around me. I would not be saved or blessed.
I know I am never alone and that He always has a plan for me and goes before me. It is comforting knowing that. Seeing God's world yesterday was magical. I was in awe and will continue to be in awe each and every single day.
I am so thankful for the reality of where I am now in my life, but also the joy to see where I have come from.
We have taken many walks/hikes in the past but yesterday felt different. Maybe it was because neither of us had tried this trail, maybe it was because it was Easter weekend, maybe it felt different for many other reasons that neither of us can explain.
What I do know is in spite of the day being somewhat cloudy and overcast I saw the most beautiful things on this hike. We walked along the side of a roaring creek where water rushed over rocks and roared so loudly it was almost deafening. I saw new ferns poking their heads out of the ground anticipating the birth of spring. Birds chirped happily and the green of the pines was spectacular.
We walked and walked and walked some more. It just felt right even though at times the mud was slippery, the slope quite inclined, and the wind blowing. When we got to the top of the ridge, we pressed further. We walked along a railroad grade...off in the distance was the local ski hill, Spirit Mountain. As we looked back over our shoulders we commented how far we had come.
Being of adventurous minds we decided to keep going toward the ski hill...once there, parts of the hill had grass, but many moguls and places still had snow. As we stood in the middle of the hill, I said, "I bet we could see more if we climbed that mogul." So climbed we did. Once to the top of that mogul, we could see the very top of the hill with the chairlifts. We smiled at each other knowing exactly what the other was thinking. We climbed onward and upward.
At the top of the hill I could see all of Duluth and even farther. It was breathtaking.
On this Easter Sunday it makes me think about how all I am doing and seeing is possible through God's love for me. How if He had not sacrificed his Son for me, I would not be able to see all the beautiful things around me. I would not be saved or blessed.
I know I am never alone and that He always has a plan for me and goes before me. It is comforting knowing that. Seeing God's world yesterday was magical. I was in awe and will continue to be in awe each and every single day.
I am so thankful for the reality of where I am now in my life, but also the joy to see where I have come from.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Confidence
Twice in the last 24 hours I have been asked if I have always been like this.
Like what you might wonder? I asked too. People wanted to know if my personality was always like this (outgoing, confident, etcetera) or if this was a recent phenomenon since I had my gastric bypass surgery last August.
I explained how I have always been outgoing and an extrovert, however, I have never been really good at projecting a confident self image.
Clearly that has changed. Both people commented on my CONFIDENCE level. I never really saw myself as confident. I mean I think I have shown recent bursts of courage, charisma, and various extroverted qualities, but never really pinned it down to confidence as the catalyst for all these other qualities to surface.
Over the weekend I got to interact with my friend's 14 year old son. He is a wonderful kid and we joked around and played dance party on their Wii. Before I left to go home he made sure to hug me goodbye. I of course, being a hugging kinda gal never really saw any huge significance in that. When I saw my friend Michele at work the following day she explained how her son never really takes to her friends and certainly NEVER hugs them. She told me he really liked me.
In relaying this story to another friend tonight over coffee, he made reference to how my confidence and overall positive attitude is contagious and how my friend's son must have been drawn to that. I leaned closer and said, "is that how you see me?" to which he replied, "yes, and many other qualities".
He went on further to explain that teenagers are a tough crowd, yet they have an uncanny way of seeing people at the very essence of their true self. He told me it is the highest form of flattery for a teenager to think I am one helluva cool grown up.
It makes my heart happy that I am finally in a place in my life where a positive attitude in conjunction with personal self confidence allows me to not only create joy for myself but also create joy in others.
Thank you all for recognizing my confidence and sharing in it!
Like what you might wonder? I asked too. People wanted to know if my personality was always like this (outgoing, confident, etcetera) or if this was a recent phenomenon since I had my gastric bypass surgery last August.
I explained how I have always been outgoing and an extrovert, however, I have never been really good at projecting a confident self image.
Clearly that has changed. Both people commented on my CONFIDENCE level. I never really saw myself as confident. I mean I think I have shown recent bursts of courage, charisma, and various extroverted qualities, but never really pinned it down to confidence as the catalyst for all these other qualities to surface.
Over the weekend I got to interact with my friend's 14 year old son. He is a wonderful kid and we joked around and played dance party on their Wii. Before I left to go home he made sure to hug me goodbye. I of course, being a hugging kinda gal never really saw any huge significance in that. When I saw my friend Michele at work the following day she explained how her son never really takes to her friends and certainly NEVER hugs them. She told me he really liked me.
In relaying this story to another friend tonight over coffee, he made reference to how my confidence and overall positive attitude is contagious and how my friend's son must have been drawn to that. I leaned closer and said, "is that how you see me?" to which he replied, "yes, and many other qualities".
He went on further to explain that teenagers are a tough crowd, yet they have an uncanny way of seeing people at the very essence of their true self. He told me it is the highest form of flattery for a teenager to think I am one helluva cool grown up.
It makes my heart happy that I am finally in a place in my life where a positive attitude in conjunction with personal self confidence allows me to not only create joy for myself but also create joy in others.
Thank you all for recognizing my confidence and sharing in it!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Amazing Grace
We all have heard the cliche phrase, put it in God's hands and he'll provide. I always thought people who believed that were so naive to believe in something so simplistic. As if it were that easy. Well, as a culture of people who love to get rich quick and have our needs met yesterday, it seems like putting things in God's hands would be the first thing we would jump in line to do.
Yeah, not so much.
Over the last 5 weeks I have started going to a local Presbyterian church in town. I have not been an active participant of a church for almost 23 years. That is a very long time to let your spiritual life languish.
When I moved from Kalamazoo, Michigan to Duluth, Minnesota in December 2010 it was just me and the Big Man in the car for those 700+ miles. I was terrified pulling the uhaul trailer, it was winter time and I was white knuckling the steering wheel the entire way. I frequently prayed aloud in the car asking for strength, courage and perseverance. He provided. He MORE than provided.
I made God a promise that day in the car that when I got to Duluth, I would find a church. I would become an active member in the church and renew my faith.
In February and March I struggled with severe headaches. I was truly scared. I saw doctors, I did what they said, but moreover, I PRAYED. I didn't pray for things to go away, I didn't pray for any kind of miracle. What I prayed for was Strength to go on, Courage to see new ways to deal with my pain, and Patience with others so that I wouldn't lash out at them in my pain.
He provided.
Tonight I got a piece of mail from the bank that is managing the health savings account I used to have at my old job in Michigan. When I opened it it showed I had $80.00 available to me for medical benefit spending.
I began to cry. Not tears of sadness, but tears of extreme and unexplained JOY. This week was payday and suffice to say after paying bills, buying gas and groceries there was not enough money to purchase the two prescriptions that I need. I resolved myself to the fact that it would just have to wait until next payday.
I did however, pray this weekend and I did exactly what others have spoke of....I turned it ALL over to God. It truly is/was out of my hands. I said that I knew he would help find a way to make ends meet and I knew that I would be okay. I didn't have any concrete evidence or a laid out perfect plan, but I just KNEW it would be okay.
And low and behold today...my HSA card comes with money still available to me from when my employer and I put in my last contribution at the end of November. I was overwhelmed with gratitude.
The funniest part is that the money has been there the entire time, but they only send statements quarterly, so this is the first time I have saw a statement in a very long time. The Magnitude and wonderment of it is that it arrived NOW after I had prayed and stopped worrying about my personal needs.
Truly AMAZING.
Yeah, not so much.
Over the last 5 weeks I have started going to a local Presbyterian church in town. I have not been an active participant of a church for almost 23 years. That is a very long time to let your spiritual life languish.
When I moved from Kalamazoo, Michigan to Duluth, Minnesota in December 2010 it was just me and the Big Man in the car for those 700+ miles. I was terrified pulling the uhaul trailer, it was winter time and I was white knuckling the steering wheel the entire way. I frequently prayed aloud in the car asking for strength, courage and perseverance. He provided. He MORE than provided.
I made God a promise that day in the car that when I got to Duluth, I would find a church. I would become an active member in the church and renew my faith.
In February and March I struggled with severe headaches. I was truly scared. I saw doctors, I did what they said, but moreover, I PRAYED. I didn't pray for things to go away, I didn't pray for any kind of miracle. What I prayed for was Strength to go on, Courage to see new ways to deal with my pain, and Patience with others so that I wouldn't lash out at them in my pain.
He provided.
Tonight I got a piece of mail from the bank that is managing the health savings account I used to have at my old job in Michigan. When I opened it it showed I had $80.00 available to me for medical benefit spending.
I began to cry. Not tears of sadness, but tears of extreme and unexplained JOY. This week was payday and suffice to say after paying bills, buying gas and groceries there was not enough money to purchase the two prescriptions that I need. I resolved myself to the fact that it would just have to wait until next payday.
I did however, pray this weekend and I did exactly what others have spoke of....I turned it ALL over to God. It truly is/was out of my hands. I said that I knew he would help find a way to make ends meet and I knew that I would be okay. I didn't have any concrete evidence or a laid out perfect plan, but I just KNEW it would be okay.
And low and behold today...my HSA card comes with money still available to me from when my employer and I put in my last contribution at the end of November. I was overwhelmed with gratitude.
The funniest part is that the money has been there the entire time, but they only send statements quarterly, so this is the first time I have saw a statement in a very long time. The Magnitude and wonderment of it is that it arrived NOW after I had prayed and stopped worrying about my personal needs.
Truly AMAZING.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Never Doubt Yourself
When you think you cannot do something, it's true you cannot. If you believe you are not good at something, then you probably won't be good at it. Negative self talk leads to negative thoughts. Our thoughts control our feelings which ultimately control our actions.
Never doubt yourself. Believe that anything is possible. There is nothing in this world that is out of your reach.
I have to remind myself of that daily. I have lost almost 140 lbs in the last 9 months and it has taken a long time for my brain to catch up with my body. My brain still sees me as the woman who weighed 330 lbs and did not feel very pretty or even worth liking most days.
I no longer catch myself in "negative self talk" patterns, but I do find myself doubting my ability to relate to others or doubting how people view me now post surgery.
Specifically, I needed to end the thought pattern which made me feel invisible to others or believing I am not worth knowing.
I am worth knowing, I am a beautiful, vibrant strong woman with many redeeming qualities and features...I can never doubt who I am again, or where I have been or where I am going on this journey. The road before me is uncertain and long, however, I am not alone, and I am unafraid for I have NO DOUBT that I will be successful in my lifelong travels.
Never doubt yourself. Believe that anything is possible. There is nothing in this world that is out of your reach.
I have to remind myself of that daily. I have lost almost 140 lbs in the last 9 months and it has taken a long time for my brain to catch up with my body. My brain still sees me as the woman who weighed 330 lbs and did not feel very pretty or even worth liking most days.
I no longer catch myself in "negative self talk" patterns, but I do find myself doubting my ability to relate to others or doubting how people view me now post surgery.
Specifically, I needed to end the thought pattern which made me feel invisible to others or believing I am not worth knowing.
I am worth knowing, I am a beautiful, vibrant strong woman with many redeeming qualities and features...I can never doubt who I am again, or where I have been or where I am going on this journey. The road before me is uncertain and long, however, I am not alone, and I am unafraid for I have NO DOUBT that I will be successful in my lifelong travels.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Why Wait?
For many years I felt discontented, happy but not as happy as I wanted to be or thought I should be. The saddest part is that for so long I did absolutely nothing to change my spot in life. It was as if I was waiting for happiness to show up on my doorstep like a package from Fed-Ex.
I waited several years for that magical package and it never came...it was because I was waiting.
Why wait?
Why not make your own happiness? Why not open your heart and mind to all the possibilities out there? If you make one small change I guarantee it will lead to another change and another and before you know it you'll find you are trying new things, going different places, meeting new people and you will no longer be waiting for your life to begin.
I stopped waiting...I started living and I couldn't be more blessed. I opened myself up to the possibilities that I could live a different life, embrace new adventures and felt courageous enough to let it be OUT OF MY CONTROL.
Yep, you read that right. I am telling you to control your destiny through NOT controlling it. For me it was about opening my heart and mind to the possibilities of a different and new way of seeing things and in actually opening my mind, heart, soul and body to this option it started happening on it's own. When I felt like I might want to retreat to old comfortable patterns, something drove me to do things differently.
The only person holding you back is you. I held me back for way too many years. Embrace a small change and see where it takes you.
I waited several years for that magical package and it never came...it was because I was waiting.
Why wait?
Why not make your own happiness? Why not open your heart and mind to all the possibilities out there? If you make one small change I guarantee it will lead to another change and another and before you know it you'll find you are trying new things, going different places, meeting new people and you will no longer be waiting for your life to begin.
I stopped waiting...I started living and I couldn't be more blessed. I opened myself up to the possibilities that I could live a different life, embrace new adventures and felt courageous enough to let it be OUT OF MY CONTROL.
Yep, you read that right. I am telling you to control your destiny through NOT controlling it. For me it was about opening my heart and mind to the possibilities of a different and new way of seeing things and in actually opening my mind, heart, soul and body to this option it started happening on it's own. When I felt like I might want to retreat to old comfortable patterns, something drove me to do things differently.
The only person holding you back is you. I held me back for way too many years. Embrace a small change and see where it takes you.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
When You Know You Know
I woke up today and decided that I was going to do the most incredible adventure for me to date. I am going to participate in the Lake Superior Dragon Boat Race & Festival. I have never paddled a boat in my life and this is going to be truly something. 22 people in a very long, skinny boat...20 paddling, one steering, and one beating a drum for us to Row! Row! Row!
Recently, I have embraced this adventurous side to me and clearly the little girl who used to ride her bike "no hands" is itching to be free again. At work today, I thought to myself, why not? I also had been thinking about how morale at work has been pretty low...so I thought why not take my perky self and do something completely out of my comfort zone and then try to motivate others to join me?
I shot an email to my boss who really liked the idea so hopefully in the very near future I'll be getting my team together and we'll be on our way to raise money for cancer research and also in the process raise morale at work through the spirit of adventure!!
Recently, I have embraced this adventurous side to me and clearly the little girl who used to ride her bike "no hands" is itching to be free again. At work today, I thought to myself, why not? I also had been thinking about how morale at work has been pretty low...so I thought why not take my perky self and do something completely out of my comfort zone and then try to motivate others to join me?
I shot an email to my boss who really liked the idea so hopefully in the very near future I'll be getting my team together and we'll be on our way to raise money for cancer research and also in the process raise morale at work through the spirit of adventure!!
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